I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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