The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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