I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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