I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
