Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
