Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
