He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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