3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
