It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
