I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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