Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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