After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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