Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize