: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
