I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
