Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im holly from the hills drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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