I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
