do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
