I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
