he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
