So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
