i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
