what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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