Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
