I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
