life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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