Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
