There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
