She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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