census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
