I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
