Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
