Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My hand turned me down
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
