Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
