He had one of those small greek statue penises
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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