i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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