Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
