I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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