Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
