She said her name was "party"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
