i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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