Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
