I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
