it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
