Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.