I CAN MOONWALK!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!