Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?