So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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