Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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