Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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