Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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