I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
