oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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