i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
