Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
