I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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