I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
