butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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