you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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