Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
