We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
