its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
