erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
