I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
