i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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