I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
