Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
