Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
