We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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