this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
