problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
